It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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