And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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