if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize