I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
