Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize