there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
