member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
