That's intense
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
