you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
