Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
