so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
