I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i now understand why vodka
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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