How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
