Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
