I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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