I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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