and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
