I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
