you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
