Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
