wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
