the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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