what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize