have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
