Just fell off a train. Bad.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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