Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A+ Viking dick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
