Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
