Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
