I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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