I accidentally burped into my bong.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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