I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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