There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
