I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
