she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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