You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
