Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When are your genitals available?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
