Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
