Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
