:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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