i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm at about main and main street
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
