Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
