my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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