Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
