to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
