I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize