I just made out with a guy for $7.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
