My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
