shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
