I think my vagina is haunted
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize