Fuck appropriateness.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
