i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Will exercising make me less horny?
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