last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
