so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
