Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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