yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He did a backflip because drugs
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