remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
