The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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