I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
