if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize