I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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