I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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