I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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