I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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