please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
