and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
