smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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