addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
