i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
