Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
