I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
