Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
