My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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