I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
