What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
