Jerry, you need to find god
Barsexuality is the new black.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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