Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
