"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
