i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
