Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry about my life...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
