"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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