lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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