I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
