his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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