So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Randomize
