The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
