when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
